He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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