Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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