You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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