Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
