We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
