You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
