doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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