ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize