think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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