I'm jealous of your bromance
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
