he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
