I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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