Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Do you have feelings for this penis?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
