I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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