i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
