I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Enjoy the penises
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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