So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
