$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
