i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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