Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I won the penis lottery.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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