Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
