So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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