So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
