I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
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My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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