Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
