It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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