youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
