you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
