I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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