If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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