Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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