Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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