would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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