If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
