coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
