I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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