ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
