Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
