I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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