he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
pray to the hookup gods
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
