Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
