I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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