Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Well I just put wine in my tea
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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