i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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