my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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