if you like me you must not know who I am
God gave him joint rollers for hands
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
