I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
