I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
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