I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
