Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just want nice things and good sex
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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