I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
