Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
