Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
