It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
