I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
