I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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