I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize