I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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