I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
