two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
