I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
