I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
