Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
