Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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