There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
