did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
