there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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