Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
how drunk are you?
Several
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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