know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
