Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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