Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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