With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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