atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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