I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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