I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
