Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
