God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
