i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
