dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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