Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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