I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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