and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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