thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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