Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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