She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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