i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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