the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
