once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i drank out of a bidet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
