Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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