You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
