thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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